Regrets
There isn't much to suggest that Mrs. Dalloway is content with her life. Sure, she walks around happily, taking in the scenery of London, and is excited about preparing for her party, but I think that has more to do with the particular moment than a feeling of general content. These happy moments are contrasted with ones of disappointment that hint to some kind of dissatisfaction under this outward cheerfullness.
Clarissa spends the first couple of pages, and also just at times later along her walk, talking about what a fresh morning it is and how beautiful London looks. Her thoughts have a feeling of general optimism - she's enjoying her life and what she's doing. For example, in this first section she states, "what a morning -- fresh as if issued to a children on bench," and "what she loved; life; London; this moment of June." But then if she was satisfied with life, as these thoughts suggest, why does she become super melancholy and introspective as soon as she's in her own house? She starts long paragraphs with extensive metaphors about waves threatening to break or emptiness. For example, "Feeling herself suddenly shrivelled, aged, breastless." This reaction appears to be triggered by Lady Bruton not inviting her to a party, however her brooding quickly reveals deeper thoughts about her life, mostly about Richard, Peter, and Sally. These thoughts no longer seem super satisfied, and she doesn't express much happiness in her decisions either. We don't really hear anything positive about Richard or her life with him, instead we get notions of failure or her life losing meaning.
Yet if she is somehow dissatisfied with her life, does she have any regrets? What would she have changed? She specifically states multiple times that she thinks that not marrying Peter was a good idea: "making out that she had been right -- and she had too -- not to marry him [Peter]." You could say that she doesn't really mean this or she's trying to convince herself of it, yet I think that she does honestly think marrying Richard was a better idea than marrying Peter. Even when she's walking around content and happy, thoughts about arguing with Peter keep interjecting, and she never really gives us the idea that she was ever in love with him, instead mostly just expressing annoyance with his statements or habits. Along with that I think it's easy to diminish the importance of the economic stability Richard gives her, and how much this affected Clarissa's decision. However although it's pretty clear she doesn't regret rejecting Peter, she could still regret marrying Richard, since it's hard to tell just from her thoughts if she finds any gratification from their relationship other than a stable life. If this isn't the decision she regrets making, what other regrets could be causing her to be so dissatisfied with her present life? It could just be that although she is satisfied with Richard, her life is still losing meaning as she has less and less to do and Elizabeth is growing up, which could lead to this dejected contemplation. However it's still pretty difficult to accept that she is satisfied with Richard from the way she describes him and their life together.
I agree that it seems she doesn't exactly feel regret at her decision to not marry Peter, but this doesn't necessarily translate to her thinking that Richard was a better option. As you mention, she rarely if ever talks about her life with Richard and their marriage, and this tells me that something she was looking for out of a marriage was unfullfilled with Richard. Could the combination of her odd, not exactly romantic but not exactly platonic relationship with Peter as well as her seemingly emotionless marriage with Richard point to her being gay? I would have considered this option more strongly had I not seen Peter's perspective of things and learned how she and Richard appeared to other people - instantly clicking and interested in each other. This, however, could have of course been influenced by Clarissa's pre-established great social skills and grace, as perhaps her connection with Richard was not quite as close as Peter, an exeptionately socially-awkward person, would have interpreted it to be.
ReplyDeleteI agree that she wouldn't be happy with Peter, but I also don't really think she is happy with Richard. In a way, I think she chose to marry Richard because he seemed sort of like the lesser of two evils (not literally evils but more like the choice she felt like she wouldn't regret the most) in a world where a woman's role in society was to get married and have children. I think the reason her thoughts might be so negative is because she had to get married at all. She feels like she is so much more than Mrs. Richard Dalloway, but she can't express that. This would explain why she spends so much time contemplating "her life losing meaning" as you said. She's lost her identity as a mother and her identity as Mrs. Richard Dalloway does not really fit who she is, but society forbids her from exploring her dreams and desires. One of the few things that is really hers are the parties, but even then, she has to play the part of a happily married woman.
ReplyDeleteClarissa being inside her house seems like the largest trigger for her bad memories. Understandably so, because she has been stuck inside for quite a while due to her illness. For this reason, when she steps outside she has all these wonderful memories and reflections, and her mood seems to lift. I agree with your analysis that Clarissa's past relationships and current relationship with Richard also plays a big part in her regrets. Once again, since she sees Richard inside her house the most, the house triggers these regrets and pains. Since she is so suffocated in her current life which was brought upon her when she married Richard, she wishes for freedom, and wonders if she would've gotten it if she married Peter instead. I think we can all relate to the feeling that we could turn back the clock; see what would've happened if we had chosen the other path. Unfortunately, time only moves forward and we have to live with the choices we make.
ReplyDeleteWhile Clarissa doesn't necessarily seem to regret choosing Richard over Peter, she is not completely content with the choice she made. I think she is being consumed by her thoughts about what could have been. She wonders how her life could have been different if she had chosen Peter instead, even though she thinks she made the right decision.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, she doesn't seem to consider Sally as an option at all, even though she describes their kiss as "the most exquisite moment of her whole life." This is because of the society Clarissa lives in, where she is expected to marry and have children, to become a wife and a mother. She would not have been able to pursue these things with Sally, which is why she doesn't consider her as an option along with Peter and Richard.